Baby Needs a New Pair of Shoes

Countdown to marathon, 7 days. Countdown to Stupid, ZERO.
So I went for a quick 3 miles today. It was supposed to be a stress free break from what I was doing. As I was getting ready, I grabbed my “marathon” shoes, as that is all I wear the week before a race. This particular pair of shoes have less than 180 miles on them. I put 12 on them before the Savannah marathon in November, and have only used them for the long days or half marathons since, with the intent of them still being fresh for this marathon. Imagine my shock when I saw this!!!!
See the yellow circled areas? There is no shoe left!! Now I am a pronater, and I typically wear my shoes hard. But the area that I always wear down is the outer edges and especially the outer part of the heel.(note there is hardly any of that yet). As a mostly walking, sometimes running person, I have had more of a midfoot to backfoot strike, so that is normal. So this sight is NOT normal. No wonder my knees hurt…half my shoe is missing. Now, coincidentally, I have incorporated much more running into my walks starting when I got these shoes. (come to find out, you get done faster when you run…who knew!) But C’MON, for less than 180 total miles on them, this is ridiculous.

I am trying to figure out if (A) my mechanics are so screwed up (likely) that I appear to be running on my tip-toes; (B) I have a bad pair of shoes, which is quite unlike Saucony or (C) the universe is giving me yet another sign that I really don’t need to be running because I don’t know what I am doing. (I need to call my dad..I wonder if I had these issues when I learned to walk…NOT! (I guarantee I had no socks missing the toe area (except that one I ate…)

That is a conundrum to figure out another day. Right now I am thinking…What the heck am I going to do on Sunday?!? How could I not look at my shoes til now?!? While I own 9 pairs of running shoes (yes, that is a lot, I need a 12 step program), they all have their own place and this was the only pair I trust to do 26.2. I have trail shoes, another Saucony pair that starts claiming toes after 10 miles, Newtons that I’m not up to distance in yet, short distance shoes and heavier training shoes with a lot of miles on them. Oh, and the token cute pair.

Dilemma: Do I order a new pair like 10 minutes ago and try to get some miles on them this week, miles I don’t need to put on my legs or do I wear an old training pair that are gonna kill my feet or do I sacrifice some toes and wear the evil Sauconys?
Maybe I just wear slippers and stay home. What would you do?

Cavemen didn’t have a CVS, did they?

Well, it appears I don’t have malaria or dengue fever after all,  just a bout of the post holiday crud.  But for the last 48 hours it was quite questionable. I am amazed how a simple little sickness can have such power.  The genius of humankind has managed to eradicate polio, develop vaccines and cures for everything from measles to paralysis, yet we have yet to figure out how to cure the common cold.  A tiny little cold that reduces (weak) people like me into a little pile of pitifulness; creates a new language where things must end in “Y” (me sicky, food yucky…), and makes us crave some comfort of long ago like mom’s chicken soup.

It’s funny how everyone has their own “proven” remedy that they swear by. Every culture and generation has its go-to berry or tea or root or serum that is a miracle cure. I am sure the cavemen didn’t take many sick days.   Just this week, I have been told by a wise old woman to take bee pollen, one person swears by the OTC product Airborne, another stands by an overdose of Vitamin C, and perhaps my wisest friend recommended a large Hot Toddy. (I love her so!) I have always believed a daily dose of Echinacea seems to keep the colds away to start with.  And on that thought, during a lucid, non medicine head moment today, I realized I didn’t take any for 5 days straight last week because I forgot to pack it on my holiday trip. That made me think…maybe the fact that different things seem to work for different people is more due to the fact that we get sick for different reasons.  Maybe each of our bodies has its own particular homeostasis, and when that is disrupted, it requires its own unique prescriptive antidote. Much to my dismay, I don’t think my body is needing a Hot Toddy. (but I’m going to try it, just to be sure…)

I don’t get sick often, and I think that is in part due to the fact I am habitual about my vitamins, try to eat healthy and work out often.  But when I do get sick, it really is no more than my body complaining that I screwed something up in the routine. It then proceeds to torment me by playing the “Lets See How Many Orifices We Can Make Things Come Out of” Game. Its revenge, I get it. I screwed up the intake, so it gets to mess with the outflow.  Fun for all.

I don’t have a go-to remedy, although I have a list of things that don’t work.  I could drink a whole bottle of Nyquil and be wide awake an hour later. Cold and flu pills give me medicine head that feels worse than the illness to start. I hate chicken soup (sorry mom!). So every time I get sick, I spend an hour in the cold/flu aisle of CVS and end up with half the store in my cart.  Somehow, I get better.  But now I am starting to think that returning my body to its “happy place” of homeostasis may have something to do with it too.

I say this because tonight, despite feeling like absolute crap, I went out and did 3 miles. I was convinced I was committing suicide for the first 100 steps. But lo and behold, I felt better when I was done. Granted, my nose ran faster than I did, but I got out there. I know that the science says it is because it loosens up congestion and gets the blood flowing, but there has to be a mental aspect to it too.  As I lay in a tangled heap of body and blankets yesterday, I was tormented about missing 3 workout days in a row, and getting back out there seemed medicinal in its own right.

What works for you? How do you get back to your normal the quickest? Do you have that mom inspired, handed down remedy or foolproof combination of supplements that kills the crud or even prevents it? Or do you just try to outsmart it with everything in the drug store like me? Cavemen didn’t have a CVS, and they went extinct, so for now, I will stick with that plan.

Mijo Monday

Well if I have any chance of sticking to regular posts, I think I should delegate some of the responsibility. Unfortunately the only other potential contributor in my house is my cat, Mijo. Here is his quick bio. I used to hate cats. Best cat I thought, was one that could fit in a microwave. Not sure why I hated them, just did. I have always been a dog lady, still am, just don’t tell Mijo. While living in my apartment in Richmond, VA my family wanted a cat we saw (while getting dog food) in Petsmart. Being the left-brain person I am, I said it made no sense to pay $100 for a cat when you can get one for free at the pound who really needs a home. I figured no one would follow through and that would be the end of that. Three hours and a trip to the pound later we had two cats (apparently it was a BOGO sale at the pound, which I still don’t understand because they were free…). On the ride home, they decided they still wanted the cat at Petsmart (more on him later), and another hour later we had 3 cats. When we all got home, they decided 3 was too many to have in the house, so the little black one was the logical choice to go to the apartment with me. I went from thinking I had the last word to having no say in the matter. That evening, in the hour and a half drive back to Richmond, I became a cat person. Just don’t tell anyone (especially my dog).
The fact that Mijo was the “tiny” cat makes today’s pic-post most appropriate. Mijo and friends will be making guest appearances on Mijo Mondays whenever I need help with a post. Enjoy!

Oh Yeah...

I'm Sexy and I Know It...

Shaking off another Auld Lang Syne

Yes, I think I might be out of blogger hibernation.  It has been over 2 months since my last post and I am guessing the mid 70 degree weather alerted my internal clock that the winter nap is over. That, and I am really hungry. Honestly, it has been a strange couple of months, full of drama and stress that I did not ask for and could not evade.  Much has changed, both personally and professionally. I have changed. But this blog is still here and it is time to come back.

As 2011 is now history, I reflect on the past year and its lessons (and there were many!) and then look forward to 2012 as a clean slate. Will 2012 be my year to do yoga and finally learn to run, to meditate, save more money, be more patient (ha, lets just admit that isn’t going to happen and save us all time), and the perennial favorite, lose weight? The new calendar is pristine and full of possibility and promise. Yet time seems to speed by; its only the 1^st and strange enough, it already feels like it is going too fast and there have been missed opportunities.  Ugh. How do we really truly reflect on how we want to spend the next 12 months or 52 weeks or 366 days, or 8784 hours? It may be December before I am done reflecting and have it figured out!

Steven Covey says this is the perfect time to “sharpen the saw.” OK, sounds like fun; I like playing with sharp objects.  This habit of self-renewal has four elements. The first is mental, which includes reading, visualizing, planning and writing. The second is spiritual, the third is social/emotional, which includes service, empathy, synergy and intrinsic security. Finally, the physical element includes exercise, nutrition and stress management. I like the framework he suggests. Wouldn’t it be great if we could take a self-renewal vacation?  It doesn’t necessarily have to be at the beginning of the year, but that makes the most sense.  For me, with a birthday in the first week of the year, it is the inevitable time for self reflection and always seems to get my year off to a good start.  I have also found the mini vacations, usually my out of town races, provide an excellent opportunity to reassess the quagmire that is my life.  And on a smaller scope, just about every run, my mind wanders at some point into a reflective state that always gives me new energy. I suppose that is why I like it so much.

Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. But significant changes are hard to make. We can blame our brains to some extent.  Some smarty pants neurologists have said our heads have three brains, not one. Clearly they flunked biology, but their premise is interesting.  While the 3 are connected, they don’t always act with a coordinated “Go Team Me”  approach. The “reptilian” brain is the instinctive part of us, outside our conscious control. Located in the cerebellum and brain stem, this brain is in charge of our breathing, heartbeat and other automatic body functions. The second brain is the limbic system and is the source of our emotions, which really come down to moving us toward pleasure and safety and away from pain and danger. We learn how to respond at a young age to situations in this context, and as we mature, our actions are not always wise (wow, I must be really mature!)  because the emotional limbic brain is in a state of “arrested development.” An uncomfortable conversation might send us straight into fight or flight mode. The allure of a warm chocolate chip cookie (or a mojito) appeals to our search for pleasure.

The third brain is the neocortex, the thinking brain that distinguishes humans from animals (well, most of them…). This is the part of our brain capable of logic, as well as artistic, verbal, and musical endeavors.  This is the part of our brain that learns and wants to change and make things better. But depending on what it is, how it’s presented, and what we’ve done in the past, our emotional brain may not cooperate. Mine is pretty uncooperative.  Remember what it’s scanning for? Pleasure and safety. That’s why we so often “sabotage” ourselves—our emotional brain overrides what our thinking brain has decided in favor of immediate pleasure (mojito) or perceived safety (keep your mouth shut.) (fortunately, I don’t have THAT problem much…)

More brain science… our thinking brain has a left side, the analytic, present tense, data-driven side that focuses on why we are who we are. The right side is creative, innovative and future-oriented, the place for our hopes and dreams, and critical to re-shaping our lives. Innovative thinking is not interested in why, but in what could be possible. It asks questions such as: What do I want now? What do I need to do to bring my heart’s desire into being? “Switching from “why” thinking to “what could be possible” thinking might make all the difference when you reflect on a new year: “What can I do to have more balance in my life today?” rather than “Why am I a workaholic?” “What help do I need right now?” rather than “Why is this happening to me?” Do you notice the difference in the two choices? “One leads to rumination and stuckness; the other to creative possibilities and forward momentum. My left and right brain might as well be named the Hattfields and McCoys as much as they fight.

Here’s  few things that make your brain work for you and not against you in the New Year:

Small steps work. Ex: Plan to read 10 pages a day, or de-clutter for 30 minutes max per day. Over time, the effort is monumental. I will hit the snooze button one less time every…uh…day week, Ok, month. (key is small steps!)

Consistent effort works. Make it a new habit. Ex: If you learn to move every day, no excuses, your “reptilian” brain demands this to feel good and you will want to workout.

Build on a current positive behavior. Ex: If you meditate for 5 minutes a day, make it 10.  If I have one mojito, make it two…?

Add habits rather that removing them. Ex: Add another serving of green vegetables to lunch and dinner. Or, instead of decreasing my daily 6 shots of espresso, walk in instead of using the drive thru.

Address the emotion behind the desire for change. Ex: I want to save more money to feel secure and safe.

Be specific and schedule activities that support your resolutions and consider a theme for the year, narrowing your resolutions down to a manageable 3 to 4 that you can focus on. Ex: My theme this year is starting over.

I’d love to hear about what works for you as you plan for 2012. Also taking any bets on how long you think your resolutions will last.  I have one that I am sure I will break by Saturday….

Happy 2012!

“For eleven months and maybe about twenty days each year, we concentrate upon the shortcomings of others, but for a few days at the turn of New Year we look at our own. It is a good habit.”  Arthur H. Sulzberger

Sitting is Killing You! (and me)

As someone who spent 15 YEARS dealing with back pain that sitting always aggravated, sitting for a long period of time never “sits” well with me. :)  Well, that and I bore easily.  The above information wasn’t so much of a shock to me as a friendly wake up call.  Just because I had 3 major back surgeries and thankfully  no longer have the issues I used to,  finished a year of rehab (talking about my back here….) that included re-learning how to sit, doesn’t mean I pay attention every day to how and how much I am sitting.  I relapse often (still only talking about my back here), I get lazy, I stop being proactive.  I only think about it after I am already experiencing pain (or when I stand up and discover one or both legs are experiencing nap time). Admittedly, my exercise ball hasn’t been used as a chair in 2 years and my knee-chair thingy is in the attic of my home 15 hours away.  I hunch over my computer at work because I am too lazy, vain, stupid (pick one) to get glasses I probably need. My driver’s side seat is positioned for me to easily access my coffee and radio,  rather than the proportional hip/leg angle I should have in relation to the pedals. My ass has a homing device tuned in to my recliner (but its a Lazy Boy massaging recliner, which in my book counts as medically sanctioned physical therapy, so I get points for that).

Bottom line is that only thinking about sitting once it hurts is too late. It is all the other side effects listed above that have me worried. Calorie burning drops to 1 per minute? (OK, maybe 2 if I am chewing gum, 3 if I am chewing gum and typing.) 20% good cholesterol drop after 2 hours?  Heart disease? I have often (dramatically) said that my job was killing me but now it appears I have proof. I am fairly active, so many of the effects I can counter with exercise, but it makes you wonder…how much more am I having to work out just to break even with the effects of my desk job?

I already make a conscious effort to get up and walk often at work.  Unfortunately this is usually a result of needing to get away from my workspace before someone dies (NOT as a result of sitting) or more oft than not, just to think.  I think best when walking, so many times I just get up and make laps to work through something.  It’s funny because people think I am just wandering around NOT working, when in fact, I get more done that way.  My exercise ball may make its way to my desk again someday (likely only to be ridiculed by the large assed people). I probably should leave my desk more than once a week for lunch.  They make apps that can help remind you.  One of the best ones I would like to have is Time Out. Time Out is a free app for your Mac computer that fades out your screen after a specified interval so you can stretch, rest your eyes, or get up and get more water. Time Out offers two types of breaks: a micro break to remind you to quickly combat tension and a normal break so you can relax and get moving.  Unfortunately I don’t have a Mac.  Mac gets all the cool stuff. For lower level humans on Windows, Big Stretch is free to download and you can Google others or use any alarm program to get a friendly reminder to get off your butt and move.   (Assuming that your work computer systems allows you to download stuff…mine doesn’t…more proof my job is killing me).  I am sure that there must be Apps for iPhones and Androids that do the same.  There are lots of things you can do….would love to hear new, fun or helpful ideas of what you do to get out of your chair and get moving.

And if you need any more info that sitting is just plain bad for you, you can read a much more professionally written piece here from Strength Running, where admittedly I stole the picture below of me at my desk.

Beach Blast Duathlon II (take two) 9/10/11

I’m way behind on race recaps…I need to type them out before I forget…

After doing the Sprint Distance (1.5 mi run/15 mi bike/ 3.1 mi run) twice last year, I decided to step it up and do the Olympic Distance (3.1 mi run/ 25 mile bike/ 6.2 mi run) this year.   I didn’t train near as thoroughly as I should have, as I had difficulty balancing a marathon training plan that overlapped this event.  I did specifically choose a marathon training plan that was a bit longer at 20 weeks, and that included 2 days of cross training vice 1, so that I could still build up for the bike.  That did make a difference, but I still should have gotten out more on the road and done more bricks.

Overall the race itself went well.  There was some messed up drama that sabotaged my pre-race mindset the day before, but eventually it led to an even more determined effort to put it aside and focus on the race and myself.  That battle would last for every step of the race, but it served as fuel.  Lost my racing partner at the last minute as well, and the mental effort it took to go out there completely alone, contrary to the plan, proved to be as hard as the race itself.

This event is set in the beautiful Mexico Beach area of the forgotten Coast in Florida.  It is far away from the tourist laden area of Panama City and a stone’s throw to the quaint towns of Port St. Joe and Apalachicola. The coast is less than 100 feet from the main road  in most areas and is pristine throughout.  There is very little commercial business in the area, aside from one mini mart/grocery store, a few speciality shops and small eateries and a marina.  It is just a remote little beach town, that is the perfect setting for this kind of event. Four events run simultaneously – a Sprint and Olympic distance Triathlon and Duathlon,  so there is a good mix of ability.  It is just small enough that it is perfect for the first time multi-sport attempt.  I suppose that is what sold me on it last year when I tried it for the first time…I thought for sure I would be so out-of-place, and nothing was further from the truth.

Ok, back to details. The first run was on the beach and despite a tropical storm that had been through the area only a week before, the beach was clean and perfect.  As a matter of fact, it was nice and flat and packed hard, which compared to the April event was a big plus.  (In the The April event, the beach was angled steeply from the winter tides and the sand was loose and difficult to navigate). So 3 miles on the beach, in the sand, really ended up more like a track run.  I wore my trail shoes anticipating needing the traction and it was never even an issue. The hardest part about it was not being able to use my iPod, as it was a USAT sanctioned event and they are pretty strict about it.  The run went well, and I finished in what at the time was a 5K PR for me.  Go figure…PR in the sand!

My T1 time was pitiful. I didn’t lay my transition area out very well and wasted time searching  for things in my bag.  I also fumbled with my Garmin because I didn’t set it up pre race to automatically go from run to transition to bike, etc. and had to do it manually.  Once I got going on the bike, I calmed down and then just counted the miles. The hard thing about 25 miles on the bike with no iPod is that it’s hard to turn off the brain and keep focused on the task at hand. Usually I have a well-selected playlist that keeps me at at good cadence and rhythm.  So there were times that I was straight up talking to myself (yes, out loud), singing to myself (quietly in case anyone heard), fighting back bad thoughts about the previous day’s drama, wondering what was for dinner, etc, etc.  I was all over the place and it wasn’t until about mile 14 that I finally focused on nothing but cadence and form and effort level. No big surprise, the last 10 miles were the best.

T2 was worse than T1.  I completely forgot to take any fuel to this point, and since I still cannot manage to get to my water bottle while riding without risking death, I also hadn’t drank anything. This is now about 2 hours into it, and it is already about 80 degrees.  Whoops. So I fueled, drank, and changed back into run mode and I took almost 6 minutes. I might as well have set up a lawn chair in my transition area.

The second run went well, once the fuel kicked in.  I had my legs back right away (probably because I spent so long in transition) and kept a solid pace the whole time.  About mile 1, still struggling without my iPod to drown out my brain, I finally made it about me and my race.  I was not going to let the drama and hurt and lost race partner and bad transitions and other mistakes steal my race from me. I had already PR’d run 1, my bike time was decent and I had the ability to PR run 2.  So I pushed;  I pushed hard with every step to prove to myself that I deserved better than all that had been dealt to me, I deserved my best, and I gave it to myself.  And yes, I PR’d run 2. Who PR’s a 10K after a 5K and 25 miles on a bike?  ME! Angry me, but me nonetheless.

I was thrilled with my finish, I felt great and even once the endorphins slowed down, my body was really not all that mad at me. Legs were heavy and tight, but I felt good.  I placed, and higher than I expected. Gotta love a small field! I sent a quick text to my race partner, but I didn’t want to be too happy about it, as I knew she was still upset she could not race.  While she was genuinely happy for me,  I felt bad for her, so it was only right to tone down my euphoria.  That was the worst part about the race…all psyched up and no one to share it with.  I would think I would be used to this by now, as almost all of my races I just go off and do alone and I’m good with that.  But this time was planned to be different and I was kinda looking forward to that.  Oh well, shit happens. No worries, my cat got the full debrief when I got home the next day.

I spent the rest of that day and the following morning spoiling myself at the amazing condo-resort I stayed at.  Pure luxury, pure relaxation in the most serene setting.  And at some point in the night, I registered for the next event in April.  Can’t wait. Might want to practice transitions this time…

So here are the final numbers:  Beach Blast Duathlon September 10, 2011

Run 1 (5K) = 33:50    T1 = 4:11 (sad..)  Bike (25 Mi) = 1:22:19  T2 = 5:55 (OMG…) Run 2 (10K) = 1:07:45 Overall= 3:13:58  3rd Female Overall, 1st Athena

 

Milton Riverwalk 5K Recap 10/1/11

This 5K in the small town of Milton, FL is probably one of my favorites, even considering the fact that I really don’t like 5Ks for two reasons.  I like this one because it is a 5pm start time; I’m just not sure a 5K is worth getting up early for!  The other reason is that it usually takes me almost 2 miles to get to full speed when I am walking, so it’s almost a waste of time. So my approach to 5Ks in the past has always been quite reckless…I would just go out and act as if I was being chased by a bear and just suck it up, knowing I would pay for it later.  It’s really not a strategy I recommend.

But in this 5K, I attained a whole new level of stupid. Someone used the phrase “What the F#ckery” the other day (to describe another of my really cool, spontaneous, but less than intelligent decisions) and that fits this situation well.  See, that morning, according to the marathon training plan that runs my life, I had to do 20 miles.  I’m rather hard-headed when it comes to my plan, so I decided to go do the miles, and pass on the race. But in almost every long mileage attempt, somewhere just over half way, I get this happy, almost drunken, superpower feeling.  Trees look greener, I seem lighter on my feet, I feel invincible; that’s also when I seem to get my really bright ideas.  On this particular day, I decided at mile 13 that barring any major disaster, I would still go do the 5K.  I wanted to see what my legs could do after 20 and a 3 hour break.  In hindsight, I have no idea why I wanted to know that.  So I finished my 20, went home, showered, had a snack and got dressed for the 5k.

Waiting around prior to the race, it suddenly seemed like it might not be a good idea.  According to my Garmin, I  walked 2.0 miles pre-race because my legs were threatening mutiny if they didn’t just keep moving. Then the gun went off, and like Pavlov’s dogs hearing the dinner bell, I was off, and my body did the only thing it knows to do when it hears that sound. Go.

The course is fairly flat, and goes through quaint neighborhoods, downtown and the Riverwalk area, and is shady almost all the way, so it made for an enjoyable trip.  I had loaded a playlist of heavy metal that would yell and scream at me for 3 miles and I decided the quicker I got it over with, the quicker I could get into the hot tub.  Somehow, my legs hurt less the faster I went and I actually ran more than I walked for the first time ever. At some point, I remember thinking, “Hey, 5Ks are kinda fun when all 3 miles count”.  Who knew?  Once I realized a PR was in sight, it was all mental, and honestly I remember nothing of the last half mile. That is, until I crossed the finish line, with a new 5K PR. One that I had to go 25 miles to get…

It was great feeling, that little victory over stupid.  But those are the fun ones.  See, at a yellow light, most people slow and back off. When I see a yellow light, the first thing that always comes to mind is “Challenge accepted.” I say it every time.

So here’s the numbers: Milton Riverwalk 5k October 1, 2011

5K = 31:05  Pace: 10:01    2:50 better than my previous PR.  Total miles that day: 25.

A GRAND Journey!

Sunday’s miles were hard. They were painful, and they were not what I had hoped for in number or result.  Usually I beat myself up pretty hard about bad days, but a well-timed post from KAM  made me pull the good from it. Needing to do 20,  I had to stop after 13.  I had a toe that decided it would be really fun to form a blister larger than itself, and legs that suddenly became very unhappy with me pushing them so hard in the last hard training week before taper. Admittedly, I overdid it last week, and I foolishly thought I could keep it a secret from my legs. The irony is that I couldn’t wait to wake up Sunday and do the 20, I was so excited it was almost like pre-race anxiety, and barely slept Saturday nite.  This was my last 20; the miles had been getting easier and easier, and I wanted the final long to have an exclamation point after it.  Well it did, but it looked more like ?!?!?.

In hindsight,  I was excited to get out and do 20…that has never happened before.  I stopped at 13 instead of foolishly pushing through just to get a number like I usually do.  I knew that I had to listen to my body and avoid further damage. For once I was using common sense instead of stubbornness. Those were all good things. And I didn’t beat myself up about it one bit. I think I am evolving.

All this change is a bit overwhelming for me. Two (easy) events into a season with the first major event just 3 weeks away, and somehow I think I hit the end of my walking journey and have no choice but to admit run is in my vocabulary. That means I have to start thinking like (dare I say) a runner.  That concerns me, as I have only trained to walk, albeit really fast, and that just is not the same thing as running. But my body doesn’t want to just walk anymore (it figured out you get to the free beer at the end faster when you run) and I have no idea how to incorporate this new skill into my plan.  I did a half last weekend and ran way more than I walked, and felt completely out of control. I got my hydration and nutrition all wrong, my pace and splits were all over the map. If I do that again in the full in 3 weeks, I am guaranteed to hit the wall.   So I need to figure out some kind of plan, but it’s a little late now that I am in taper. Maybe I just stick with the original plan and walk this one out, and train for the next full, only 90 days later, with more of a run focus. That makes sense, if I had any clue how to train for full marathons 90 days apart to start with.

So, while all this change seems to be happening at the most inopportune time, I know its time to start the new chapter.  Want to know how I know?  Among other things, my Garmin told me. See, that “bad” day on Sunday put me over 1000 training miles in less than one year. 358 days to be exact, since I started counting. 1000+ miles, me and my feet. Holy Crap. Me, once the slowest turtle out there, logged 1000+ miles. The year before that, my first year of trying, I barely logged 200 miles.   :(  Had you asked me just over a year ago if I would be here now, I never would have believed it. I would have in fact, bet against it. But today, I look at the number and I am not surprised. THAT is the amazing part to me.  Is it going to take me 358 days to get there this next year? Nope. I’d bet on it. (Especially since this year I am gonna actually log the treadmill miles, which I failed to do this year.  In reality I probably am already at about 1100…)

So the all-walking chapter closes after one year at about 200 miles, and this past year at 1000ish miles. Kinda poetic. A grand journey, pun intended. I start anew; clueless, nervous and worried. And that is exactly what I said two years ago.

“Irregardless”, Stoopid People should be illegal.

Stupid is not a word that should be bandied about lightly, and I promise not to bandy. God apparently did bandy, for it’s thanks to him that there are stupid people, right? I mean, geez, perhaps there aren’t any good jokes around up-out there, but come on, give the rest of us a break huh?

I mean it only takes me seeing what kind of dim bulbs around me could actually manage to nail a degree to their wall, to realize that I better start taking proper care in selecting my doctor, lawyer, accountant, boss etc. Passing tests is somewhat of an art form, and is no indicator of “smarts” or quality. I assume most of them know this. I know it. I’m not stupid, but I’m not anywhere near as smart as the smartest people I know. I’m sure I am smarter than better than half the House of Representatives, but not as smart as the other half. I can study harder and compensate a lot. Most people learn ways to compensate for their weakness. They find people who are smarter and listen carefully to their opinions, they take cues from signs like those saying walk and don’t walk. Sometimes they just stand behind someone and walk when they do. You know what I mean.

But then, there is a class unto themselves, and I am rather angry that God thought fit to sic them on humanity. They are: people who are stupid, and not only don’t know it, but think they are above average and are arrogant about that. I call these people ASSes -Arrogant-Stupid-Sapien. (not to their face, I’m not cruel…). With these ASSes, it almost seems like God has passed from being humorous to downright mean-spirited, and that’s something I don’t like to think about God. Perhaps he gave us ASSes as a punishment. I need to re-read the Bible. I remember the plague, the flood and the locusts, I think I skipped the book with the Stupid People.

Perhaps I am being cynical; I know I am quick to judge and I know it’s a fault, but it is a fault that keeps my blood pressure down. It also serves as an ASS vaccination (LOL). I was reared to not tolerate stupid. Mostly in myself, as my card-carrying Mensa father demanded I find and exceed my potential. He was unabashedly vocal in telling me on numerous occasions that he did not like stupid people. Usually we were in a grocery store line with an inept cashier, in traffic with apparently new drivers everywhere, or watching a sports game where the referees or players clearly never read the rule book. But his message permeated my thought process, and I grew more and more intolerable of stupidity.

I, like most people, have a lot of pet peeves. Admittedly, many of mine are trivial, irrational and judgmental to say the least. Many of them are rooted in stupid people. But we are all entitled to our opinions and irks. We don’t have to agree with them, just acknowledge that it is our right to have them.  Today’s example is the use of the “word” IRREGARDLESS. This is not a word, although you can get points for it in Scrabble. According to Webster, it is a word. “Irregardless”(LMAO) of what he says, it is NOT a word, but he admits it by calling it “nonstandard”. (As such, I think we should call people who use it “nonstandard”. I will look that up, but I bet stupid is a synonym). Anyhow, since the prefix “ir” and the suffix “less” both mean “not or with” they cancel each other out, so what you end up with is regard. When you use this to try to say you don’t care about something, you end up saying that you do. Should we care? Yep, because this is one of those words used almost exclusively by people trying to sound smarter than they are. Remind them that when using fake words to at least try to use ones that have some kind of meaning, if they want to avoid broadcasting their stupidness. All you have to do is think about it logically to see that it’s not a grammatically correct word, just a mistake (like ASSes) that unfortunately became popular. Correcting someone does not make you a rude pompous jerk, just somebody who thinks it’s important that they don’t compromise the English language to cater for people who can’t be arsed to do their English homework. “Arsed” isn’t really a word either, but I write to be understood…

If REST is a 4 Letter word, what does that make TAPER?

OK, so I am exactly 30 days out from my first marathon this season and I’m pissed.  I have been doing great with 45+ mile weeks and longs of 20-22 that are frightening easy. Now it is time to taper and I don’t want to…but I know I should.  Not to mention the weather is getting cooler…perfect… just in time for the stupid taper.

Here’s the kicker…this would have been my last high mileage week, before starting the descent into the taper period.  But thanks to my medal addiction, I have a half mary this weekend that steals the last hard week and forces me into an even earlier taper. I could have just gone hard this week and treated the half like my last long, going at less than pace and throwing 7-9 miles in after the race. But who am I kidding? When the gun goes off, my brain cannot comprehend ”less than pace”.  I tried it once last year…did a half on a day I needed to go long for 18…crossed the finish line, grabbed my medal and kept going for 5 more. It was a horrible experience. I passed beer, food, massages, showers and happy people who were done.  People looked at me like I couldn’t read the 6 foot letters that said FINISH. I’m pretty sure someone called me Forrest.  Never again.

I don’t know how to psychologically handle a taper. I practically turn schizophrenic on my rest day and obsess over any day of lost mileage, scheming how to fit it back in. I look at my training board and see the mileage dramatically decreasing over the next 3 weeks and I am SAD.  I am glad the board is at eye level, if my legs could see it they would be pissed.  Like today…the board called for 8…but the board is the marathon plan, so I looked up what today would be if I were actually tapering for the half… and much to my dismay, it was only 3. I had been looking forward to 8 all day.  I came in the door shedding clothes so fast, my floor to the bedroom looked like date nite on Showtime. But then I found out I was only doing 3.  Disappointing date nite feeling…

So I go out, negotiating with myself as soon as I start the Garmin…5 is only 2 more than 3, that’s nothing. 6 is a nice even number.  Taper? Screw the taper, it’s bad enough I have to rest Fri/Sat.  Logical-me eventually drowned out schizo-me and I reluctantly settled on 4. And I pouted the whole way. Stupid taper.

Back to the pissed legs.  See, lately, when I go out, its like taking two small children on a road trip. After a few miles, they get restless, constantly asking if we can go faster, constantly asking if they can run yet. When we stop, they want to do it again, like it’s a damn circus ride.  See, I am holding on desperately to the fact that I am NOT a runner. I am a walker, a really fast walker, who really has never had the desire to be a runner. Problem is, runners go faster, and that is becoming more and more appealing. I used to suck at running.  Kid you not, my run pace was actually slower than my walk pace. But I am to the point where I cannot physically walk any faster. Not without picking my feet up and having a higher turnover…oh wait, I think that is running. Crap. But more often than not, I get to top walking pace, and next thing I know, I am doing that running thing. And I am doing it at a respectable pace (for a non runner). But someone has to be the adult, and I always make the call to stop the nonsense after a while, met with much whining from the 2 children.  Then they get sneaky…wait for a high BPM song to come on the iPod (RIP Steve) and just start going faster without asking.  It’s a constant battle to be the adult.

So today, part of the 4 mile compromise in this stupid taper, was that I had to go easy; no running. I even wore a “not 4 running” bra just so I wouldn’t be tempted.  (pissed off tatas are worse than pissed off legs).  But my legs are SO ready…I would pay my entry fee again if the marathon was tomorrow…I just want to get out there and do it. I did 21 last Sat and could have easily done another 10. They are that ready. NOW. Not three weeks from now. Stupid taper.  Anyhow, the children were really pissed when I turned back at mile 2. The whole way home I fought with them, eventually giving in for the last .4 mile, just because I had to pee.  Legs were happy. Tatas, much to my surprise, weren’t mad either. Part by part, my body is staging a coup on the ”I’m not a runner” regime. I even think my bladder is in on it. I have never needed to pee at mile 2 before.  This cannot be good.

I am sure that this coup is going to give me big problems. I don’t want to be a runner. But I am not sure I want to be just a walker anymore either.  But trying to be, or succumbing to being a runner means I am going to be back to being the least apt person out there.  I remember when I started walking (not back in diaper years, I mean for fitness), I was ridiculously slow, and literally feared being last in every event I entered.  I crossed finish lines as they were taking up the mat. It is a horrible feeling. But I got better, I got faster and I was happy with my progress.  If I become a runner, I have to deal with the psychological mountain of waiting for my body to be able to do what I want it to do.  I don’t know if I can do that again. I am fearful it will not be fun anymore, and I will give up. I am happy walking with the occasional overdrive spurts, and honestly, being out there is about the only joy and release I can pull out of life right now. If running becomes something I dread or something that frustrates and stresses me out because I struggle, I am going to lose the only oasis I have.  But what if I like it? Stupid taper. I wouldn’t be thinking this much if I wasn’t in a taper…

I have no idea how I am going to get through the next 3 weeks without losing my mind. I don’t know what I am doing or how to figure it out and I can’t deal with that. I know I am going to do more than the plan says, and then yell at myself.  I know I am going to have problems figuring out my eating plan to match the stupid taper. I know I am going to have difficulty sleeping. I know I am going to go insane with too much time on my hands.  I know I am going to look in the magic mirror and swear I see muscle atrophy and weight gain. I know I am going to have mental challenges where I second guess the training plan, this poorly placed half this weekend, and so many other things. Stupid taper.  I have got to figure this crap out, because Taper, we are gonna meet again, several times this season. Somehow, we gotta figure this out. I tried Googling “WTF” but that didn’t help.

Did you know TAPER backwards is REPAT, and that is an acronym for ICE’s program for the quick removal of criminal illegal aliens from our prisons to prisons in their own country? Kinda ironic that taper feels like a prison sentence.

Stupid Taper.